What does “success” look like in discernment?

Ernie Garrido left a fast-track career in New York City after listening to that drastic invitation from Jesus to leave everything behind and follow him. (Photo: Shutterstock)

IN AN AGE of technological advances that allow us to speak to our smart devices whenever we’re lost, in doubt, or seeking recommendations, we’re used to randomly and clearly verbalizing our needs to an invisible entity. The new normal is, “Alexa, how do I get to …”

But when it comes to discerning our place, our calling, and our purpose within the church and our communities, I propose we put into practice the same concept—except we enthusiastically invoke the Holy Spirit.

The original normal was, is, and forever will be, “Holy Spirit, counsel and guide my decisions with your wisdom.”

That willingness to open myself to the Holy Spirit and constantly seek the Spirit’s guidance was the greater purpose of my discernment journey. And in my experience, the journey doesn’t necessarily come to a conclusion, as long as I continue to be alert to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

“Thy will be done …”

The familiar words of the Lord’s Prayer were a great starting point and served as a reliable spiritual compass as I began to seriously discern my vocation.

Right before my 30th birthday, as a bustling professional in dynamic Manhattan, I entered a moment of solemn contemplation about the greater purpose for my life. The good Lord had blessed me with a great career in magazine publishing, a tiny but comfortable apartment by Columbia University, Godly and reliable friends, and most important, a loving and supportive family back home in Texas.

I seemingly had it all—but something deep was missing.

I approached my pastor at the time, Paulist Father Gil Martinez, C.S.P., at the Church of St. Paul the Apostle in Midtown, with this personal conundrum, hoping for some clarity and perhaps a quick solution. Instead, Father Gil challenged me to totally surrender myself to prayer through the Lord’s Prayer.

I’ll never forget how he explained—or rather gently warned—that I would need to be ready to answer the Lord’s calling, according to his will.

Challenge accepted, and there I went, “Our Father, Who art in heaven …”

To put this into context, I was single at the time. My only attachments were my fun job and my happy apartment. I also had never been invited to actively discern my vocation or to consider religious life or the priesthood.

Father Gil was right. Peace started entering my life and a certain clarity began to emerge through my devout prayer for guidance. Decisions that were once unthinkable or perhaps impossible to make suddenly became clear promptings.

I turned 30 years old with a clear understanding that my thriving career and the glamour of a New York lifestyle was just a temporary learning experience and part of my greater discernment journey. I resigned from my job, gave up my apartment, and went back home to Texas.

It was the path to that peace I was seeking. It also greatly helped that my parents were supportive and understanding that this was quite literally a leap of faith.

But it took that intense dedication to prayer, that complete and total surrender to God, to understand and follow God’s will for my life—a process that continues to this day.

Trust the process

Trust in God. Trust in the process. Trust in the Holy Spirit’s guidance.

In my current role as vocations recruiter for the Paulist Fathers, I often explain that exploring a vocation is unlike choosing a career path.

“I want to be a doctor. I want to be a lawyer. I want to be an engineer. And if I work hard enough and get the degrees and get the right certifications, I can make it happen.”

I wanted to be a priest in a religious community. I was inspired by community life and mission. I did the research and spent the time in prayer. I attended Come and See retreats. I even went on several mission trips abroad. I spent time with both diocesan and religious order vocation directors.

I was ready to apply for admission and willing to work hard enough to join a religious institute in pursuit of the priesthood.

But that was not God’s will. (Remember how it all started, “Thy will be done …”)

I consider the months spent in discernment a spiritually enriching time that helped me mature as a Catholic, as an individual, and as a member of my community. I could write an entire article about the many graces and understandings I received during this inspiring time of complete surrender to the Lord.

My discernment journey helped me change my mindset from worldly ambition, “I control my life, my profession, and my life’s outcomes” to divine trust, “Lord, guide my life, my profession, and my life’s outcomes.”

I learned to understand and put in perspective that drastic invitation from Jesus to leave everything behind and follow him. Although my experience was a bit dramatic and biblical in a sense, I think what the Lord is asking us to do is basic: abandon our controlling ambition and trust in him entirely.

“Lord, do I accept this job offer to honor you with my work?”

“Lord, is this a faith-filled woman who will increase my love for you?”

“Lord, is this relocation necessary for your greater glory?”

I invite you to revisit that passage from Matthew 19 about the rich young man who approached Jesus (verses 16-30). Put yourself in that young man’s place, as you approach Jesus grateful for whatever riches you possess, yet yearning for divine guidance.

Often the Lord is very blunt with his teachings, using language that will immediately shock us. Jesus told the young man, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

Jesus already knew what the young man’s reaction would be, right? But at a closer look, the Lord is simply asking him to make a radical change needed for that man in particular to truly follow Jesus.

Some practical advice

So, you have the will to discern your vocation. Now what?

Start by seeking a spiritual guide and adviser, which is itself a task to place before God. Since my journey required relocation and constant change, the good Lord provided three amazing priests who became my mentors and confessors. I owe the fruits of my discernment to their priestly wisdom and supportive friendship.

Have an open mind. You may think you are destined for a particular vocation, but the discernment journey is a time to explore all options. In addition to my exploration of the priesthood, I also worked on a few projects with my diocese’s Office of Family Life, which helped me understand the graces that come with marriage. I also had a dear friend who was a consecrated virgin and taught me so much about the joy of finding your vocation. Remember, the Holy Spirit will never lead you astray.

Talk to your family and close friends about your discernment journey. Now this step may be a bit challenging for some. My parents initially reacted with concern, but their attitudes evolved as they witnessed the joy of my journey. The support of my close friends was also invaluable.

Pray—and then pray some more. One of the greatest blessings of my discernment journey was that I learned how to pray, which is essential to becoming attuned to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. The church provides us with such a wealth of diverse forms of prayer, and I encourage you to explore as many as possible.

Also, ask people to pray for you. Father Michael Amesse, O.M.I., one of my spiritual guides, taught me to always say, “You pray for me, and I’ll pray for you.”

Yes, the Lord works in mysterious ways, so be ready for that.

In 2015, I met a woman of faith at the gym because I was wearing a T-shirt with a few words from Saint Paul printed on the back. Ruth Elizabeth is now my wife, and she brings me closer to the Lord each day.

And although the priesthood was not where I was called to serve the church and my community, I unexpectedly received a phone call in September 2023 from the Paulist Fathers with an interesting job offer. As excited as I was about it, I did not immediately accept it before prayerful discernment.

“Holy Spirit, counsel and guide my decisions with your wisdom.”

Related: VocationNetwork.org,“Call stories to help you discern.”