How to find a guide for your vocation adventure

Discerning a vocation is the wildest adventure you may ever undertake. And you are not alone on the journey. There are guides who are willing to walk with you as you chart a path that leads you deeper into the heart of God. (Photo: istock, SDI Productions)

IF YOU ARE READING THIS, then chances are good that you, too, have felt that inner nudge that just won’t go away, that attracts you just as much as it terrifies you. Welcome. You are in a good space. One of the reasons you found yourself here is because VISION is a trusted community of people who have accompanied spiritual seekers for many, many years. Not a bad thing to have when you find the Spirit knocking on the door of your heart.

As personal as one’s relationship with God is, especially when discerning your life’s calling, it is also intrinsically communal and relational. Heck, even God is intrinsically communal and relational, being at once “one” and “triune” in the relationship of Creator, Redeemer, and Sanctifier. And so we humans, who are made in the image and likeness of God, naturally need the company and wisdom of others, even as we traverse the innermost sanctums of our hearts.

Wherever you are, there you begin

I remember talking with Cathy, who in her early 40s inexplicably found herself attracted to Catholic religious life. Only she wasn’t Catholic and didn’t consider herself to be all that holy. She wasn’t even all that sure about how sisters lived. Why would God give her this call? How could an “older,” non-Catholic person be called to this? She felt bewildered yet curious and wanted to draw closer to God and get to know Catholic sisters. But where to start?

Tomas was a young guy just out of college. He was a cradle Catholic, born and raised in the church. He’d been around plenty of Catholic sisters, brothers, priests, and dedicated lay people. Tomas always showed up to volunteer at the soup kitchen and the parish-supported refugee shelter. That is, when his busy social life allowed! He talked about how much he liked his volunteer work and wondered what it would be like to do more of that, and then he added under his breath, “like maybe as a priest or something.” Tomas was not ready to bring the subject up with friends. But he felt like he had to tell someone and see what his next steps might be.

So how exactly do you find accompaniment on the journey, especially if it feels like the way is unclear and there’s no road map to depend on? You want to connect with others, but you also want to do so in a way that feels safe, leaves you free, and is helpful. Every person’s situation is different, so there’s not one single way to go about this. But there are some key pieces of information that can guide you in finding someone who understands the experience of being called by God and is skilled in accompanying others.

Where to go

1. YOUR LOCAL CATHOLIC COMMUNITY

A great place to start is either within the Catholic community you already know or a Catholic community near you (or online) where you sense kindred spirits. Some of the leaders in the community may be trained or have experience in helping people on their vocation journey. They likely have contacts to whom they can refer you. There may also be members of consecrated life that are part of your Catholic community that you could “casually” bump into at a coffee hour after Mass.

2. RELIGIOUS INSTITUTE

Almost every community of consecrated life has people who have walked the vocation journey and are trained to accompany others. Most communities have a “vocation director,” “vocation minister,” or a “vocation team.” Although they are part of a particular community, their goal is to help you find your path no matter where it takes you. Of course they can help you with the particulars of their own community, but more so, they are about accompanying you on your journey with God. These vocation professionals also have extensive networks with others in the religious life world and can help you make helpful connections.

If the idea of cold-calling a nun (or the like) terrifies you, there are also more ninja-like approaches such as attending public events that communities offer, e.g., a prayer service, a workshop, or a volunteer opportunity. This allows you some anonymity while also giving you proximity to strike up a conversation with a religious.

3. RETREAT HOUSE OR SPIRITUALITY CENTER

Chances are that somewhere near you, tucked away in a forest or on the edge of a lake or sea, is a retreat house where people can go to spend time in quiet with God or to gather in communal prayer or learning. I find they tend to be hidden away, but they are there! Many have been created as ministries of a particular consecrated community or of a diocese. Because these places focus on spirituality, the personnel will know people trained to be “spiritual directors” or “spiritual companions.”

4. CAMPUS MINISTRY

If you study or work in an academic setting, check out your school’s campus ministry department. In some colleges, this may be referred to as the Newman Center or Catholic Student Center. Campus ministry staff also have training to work with people who are searching for ways to be in community, grow closer to God, to learn about their faith, and to engage in service projects. They are good people to talk with and also have various resources to help you on your journey.

5. VISION RESOURCES 

You’ve already found one of the best vocation guides right here at VISION. In addition to articles such as this, check out VISION’s Community Search, Events Calendar, Vocation Match, and VISION article index at VocationNetwork.org.

What to look for in a vocation mentor

As mentioned earlier, every person’s vocation journey is unique, and there are many ways to find accompaniment. It is important that you find someone with whom you resonate. Try a few sessions with a person and see how it goes. Those who provide spiritual guidance understand that it has to be a good fit, and even if you don’t continue with them, they will likely be grateful that you have a sense of what you need and the determination to keep looking. They can also refer you to others.

Just remember: If it does not work out with a vocation guide or mentor, it does not mean you are doing something wrong or that you don’t have a vocation. It’s just you haven’t found the kind of accompaniment that works best for you.

Having at least a few sessions with a vocation guide or mentor is helpful because it takes time to settle into a relationship like this. It’s important to get to know one another and to see how the Spirit is working within both of you as you discern your vocation.

Here are some characteristics that tend to be helpful in these relationships.

• Experienced. A person who is not only aware of and reflective about their own vocation journey but who is articulate about this path and the general movements of discerning a calling.

• Open with a listening heart. A person who is willing to be present to you and able to reverence your story in all of its uniqueness and beauty, as well as the challenges of being human; someone who listens deeply without imposing their own expectations or assumptions and allows you to be fully you.

• Discerning. A person who brings the gifts of discernment, helping you to better listen to and understand God’s call to you; a person who puts your well-being first whether or not you discern a path that takes you into consecrated life.

• Holy and savvy. A person who is holy and has given themselves to the search for God and for being a person for others; a person who makes their life a prayer; at the same time, a person who is savvy about the spiritual life and who understands that the journey may be tough at times; a person who sees when you are dodging important questions or resisting the Spirit’s call to examine your heart.

• Expansive. A person who appreciates your relationships and commitments and encourages you to stay connected to your family, friends, hobbies, and passions; a person who sees your vocation as being worked out throughout the whole fabric of your life, as being expansive, and not exclusive or insular.

• Respectful of boundaries. A person who is self-aware, conscious of their role as a guide or mentor with clear professional boundaries; a person who does not impose their own needs or judgments upon you, who does not pressure you or put you in a box or category; a person who always is careful and respectful of your boundaries; a person who provides a safe space for you.

What to expect along the way

Neither Cathy nor Tomas knew what to expect in their vocation journey; they just knew that they had to take a step into it. Cathy felt bewildered, and that happens. This journey is challenging. We are invited to embrace our full humanity in all its uniqueness, beauty, and chaos as we fall into the loving embrace of Holy Mystery. We are called to a vulnerability that allows us to see ourselves as God sees us. This vulnerability is precious even while it unnerves us. A safe first step for Cathy was to reach out to people she trusted.

Tomas wanted someone to talk with, to say out loud for the first time what was deep in his heart. He would soon find himself on the greatest adventure of his life, with a social life that only expanded as he met more and more people who shared his values and desire for something more in life.

Indeed, discerning a vocation is the wildest adventure you may ever undertake. It is glorious and creative and exciting. It is spacious and delightful and powerful. Yes, there are the ups and downs of any epic adventure, but it is good. The key is to hang in there, persist. Keep exploring, even if the pathway is winding and you can hardly see two feet in front of you. Sure, you’ll encounter some obstacles along the way, and you may even think that all is lost, but be assured, all is not lost. God knows exactly where you are and is leading you.

Welcome. You are in a good space. And you are not alone on the journey. There are guides who are willing to walk with you as you chart a path that leads you deeper into the heart of God and deeper into being yourself fully.

Related: VocationNetwork.org, “What happens in spiritual direction?”